iseemorons

I don’t know if I’m breaking some man-code for talking about this.  If so, I didn’t get the memo.  There is just some urinal behavior that I’m at a loss to understand.   Since we all do things differently, we are all uniquely built and things come in a myriad of shapes and sizes I suppose it should be no surprise that people’s eccentricities extend into the bathroom. 

First there is the guy who pulls out his junk and before he starts to pee puts his hands on his hips and spreads his feet apart in a picture perfect Superman pose.  You can almost hear the theme some in your head.  It’s as if he’s showing all the rest of us that he doesn’t touch himself.  Either that or he’s sporting a prehensile dick. 

Then there’s the guy that when he’s done he bends his knees and with a big scooping motion puts everything back in his pants.  Not sure if the bend-and-reach is some instinctual thing or if he simply needs to reach that far down to get everything.  If it’s the latter, more power to him I guess. 

Some guys find the need to put one hand high on wall behind urinal in a bracing stance.  Not sure if he’s just really tired or if his stream is so strong he has to make sure he’s in an inclined position so as not to spray himself back against the opposing wall.  

If there are multiple urinals (more that 3) why do some guys have to use the one right next to another guy who has already commandeered his space?  Maybe a view is important to him. 

Finally, there are the talkers.  I really don’t want to chat when we are standing there.  At the sink, on the way out of the restroom or in the hall is cool but at the urinal, not so much.  That may be only my hang-up but just saying.

All that bizarreness aside and regardless of what bit of weirdness you commit in the bathroom if you leave without washing your hands it really doesn’t matter if you are a Superman, a Bend and Reacher, a Leaner or a Talker because that fact that you’re a pig supersedes them all.