sheltered
I was driving by an elementary school yesterday at letting off time and had to wend by way through a quagmire of minivans, Escalades and Yukons. It was a murder’s row of soccer Moms, all waiting in a line that literally ran around the block to pick up precious Johnny from his arduous day at school. Whatever happened to kids taking the bus or, heaven forbid, walking? The only time my mom ever picked me up from school was on that super special occasion or when I was about to die for some transgression that wasn’t as cleverly hidden as I thought. Kids today are all bundled up in their body condoms, both figuratively and literally, before ever leaving the house in hopes that won’t catch the sniffles or come home with a few new words in their vocabulary. Wouldn’t it be nice to let kids be kids again?
The school bus is a wealth of knowledge and is the only place some of the most pressing elementary school questions can be answered. Like why does Jenny Smith have boobs when no one else does, what is a douche, who has lice and which fat kid is next in the queue to be picked on? When I was a kid I had to walk 10 miles, up hill, in the snow barefoot to catch the bus. Well, not really, but one of my bus stops was a pretty good trek and there was occasion on those really cold winter mornings when my testis un-dropped by the time I got there. And as well know school buses are not known for their quick acting heaters.
Kids also miss out on the diverse array of school bus drivers our school systems have to offer. I had all sorts, from a woman whose ass was so big you had to climb over the right buttock to get down the aisle to the bitter old bat whose mission in life was to make children cry to a guy who I consider to be one of my best influences during that time of life. A wonderful cross section of real world personalities that kids sitting in the back seat of a SUV watching a DVD while Mom is on the phone are missing.