fat asses, bikinis and banana hammocks
Well, just got back from the Caribbean and as you can imagine every beach was a smorgasbord of cellulite, pot bellies, bald heads and C cups on men. Even though few of us have been graced with bodies that look good in a bathing suit and fewer of us work hard enough to keep them that way it sure doesn’t slow anyone down. It was completely unbelievable the amount of women sloshing around in a bikini. Cesarean scars, shaving and cellulite be damned. And I’m not talking about a little cottage cheese here but wheelbarrows of it oozing out of string bikini after string bikini. Hate to be the one to spring this on you but whoever told you that you look acceptable to leave the house in that bikini was playing a horrible practical joke on you and is laughing their asses off right now. General rule of thumb, if you look like Jabba the Hutt, wear a one piece.
The fact that luggage on our cruise ship was still unavailable certainly didn’t stop a few parents from stripping off their kids jeans and letting them frolic around in the pool in their under-roos. And we’re not talking 3 year olds but 8 and 9 year olds. I guess I should be grateful that they weren’t naked. I know the rest of the world think Americans have a hang up with sex and nudity but I think it’s more a sense of us just not wanting to see so much of every European that we can determine what religion they are.
My brother has said over and over again that sun-tanned fat is A LOT better than white fat. Boy oh boy is he right. It’s amazing how less bad you look tanned. That said, to all you chubby vacationers from the continent, tan or not. A Speedo? C’mon. You aren’t David Beckham, we’d all like to keep our lunches down and let’s face it stubby, you really aren’t filling that thing out. Also, if your muffin-top completely covers all the material of your bathing suit please, perform a public service and buy a pair of board shorts.