duffers, muffers and those of us that suffer
I realize that not everyone reading this plays golf but for those of you that do, pay attention. To keep this game from degenerating into the equivalent of a trailer park nose picking contest the first thing anyone should learn or be taught is etiquette of the game. The other day I was playing as a single and was able to see a group of 3 old mossbacks and one 12 year old-ish kid playing five holes ahead of me. I caught them on the 8th and even though they obviously noticed I was there they weren’t about to show for me or the game some respect and let me play through. It’s a wonderful thing if you are instructing a kid to play but teach them proper golf manners before anything else and if they want to act like a spaz leave them at home with their Guitar Hero and call it done.
Golf is still a game of honor no matter how hard John Daly has tried to drag it into white-trashyness. The Happy Gilmore running swipe at the ball is barely funny on TV and never on the course. If you think letting your kid act like this is amusing just stay home and watch Nascar in your underwear like every other weekend. If there’s a group (or a single) behind you and no one in front of you, let that group play through regardless of how quickly you’re playing. And they shouldn’t have to ask, you should offer it up. Also, show some knowledge of the game and don’t drive the cart onto the grass on a par 3 even if there aren’t ropes blocking it off. Get off your lazy ass and walk the 10 feet to the tee box.
Finally, there is no excuse for slow play. If you play quickly and show some courtesy you can shoot 180 and no one cares. Although there are inconsiderate jerk-offs of all ages for those of you on the downhill slope of life, old age hasn’t given the right to hold everyone else up. The next time you’re on the course imagine your seat at the Old Country Buffet is being given away or you’re about to have a Depends blow-out and hurry the hell up. The same applies to all those female foursomes out there. I have heard that the old mamms create a logistical hurdle in the swing but I’m almost one hundred percent certain they don’t make you walk slower.