co-worker cretins
Okay, show of hands. Who’s been stuck behind someone in a hall who’s walking so slow you think time has stopped. Of course they walk right down the center thwarting your quick passing move. The best part is you see them noticing you out the corner of their eye and yet they and they don’t speed up or move. How bad do you want to knock them to the ground with the Elaine Benes (Seinfeld) Get-Out shove and leave shoe marks up their backsides as you walk over them? Of course these are the same people who will stand there for 5 minutes waiting to take the elevator up one flight. Maybe these sloths would be less plump if they, oh I don’t know, walked.
Another glass of workplace goons are the people who will park in a handicap spot for nothing worse than a hang-nail. Speaking as someone who has a legitimate handicap family member this is the lowest type of person. News flash! If you’re a fat pig, sluggishly old or have a boil on your ass you are not handicapped. You’re lazy. There are many people who need those spots and you aren’t one of them.
Finally, a big shout-out to the members of Christ’s Cubicle Club. These card carrying God Squad members have pictures of cherubs and angels on their walls and snippets of scripture everywhere you look. Sometimes all you have to deal with is an unnatural stomach-churning sickeningly sweet personality but the brooding diehards are the ones to avoid. Don’t be proud just turn and flee. There is no disgrace. These fanatics won’t hesitate to let you know of how much they disapprove of you and how fast you are going straight to hell. If you ever get invited to Friday night Bible study simply ask in an excited voice if that the night they sacrifice the chicken. You will never be asked again.