iseemorons

There are a series of epidemics facing today’s male youth that needs to be addressed on these pages.    First and foremost is the ever disturbing Droopy Drawer Syndrome.  This near pandemic presents as a visible sag of the butt of the jeans making it look as though the youth has crapped their pants.  Although not contractible by non-angst ridden males we should all be vigilant in identifying this and avoiding this disorder.  The tell-tale sign of affliction is a stupid little pelvis-forward walk essential in keeping the pants from falling to the knees giving the impression that the afflicted is being dragged around by a pud collar. 

Another ailment affecting our young men is the Shirt Behind the Belt Buckle Disorder.  The sufferer is driven to stuff the front of their shirt behind a gaudy belt buckle leaving the rest of the shirt untucked.  Often both index fingers will be pointing to the crotch while the stricken can be heard muttering “like what you see, baby”.   This symptom is often followed by the sudden appearance of a gold front tooth.

Finally and without a doubt the most disturbing illness facing today’s adolescent male is the Side Saddle Cap Disorder.  The ailment’s main symptom is the sufferer’s inability to put their baseball cap on strait like a big boy.  The cause of this curse is as yet unknown but for many of the afflicted the hat brim is so erect and flat that the professional consensus is that the gland that produces the protein allowing the youth to grasp it properly and make the final half turn seems to be blocked by some other organ in the body.  The askew cap is often paired with the pushed back cap given the stricken a slightly retarded appearance. 

We can all do our part in a race for the cure either by shaking our heads in obvious distaste with a sad, pitying look or by directing a pointed finger at the afflicted and laughing uncontrollably.  Together we can make this world a punk-free place.